In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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