all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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