I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
