You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
