p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
