Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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