There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Barsexuality is the new black.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize