Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
