he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's the barista slut.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
