The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
