Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize