craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
