I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
