so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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