So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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