I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
