And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
