This girl is more easily done than said...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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