Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
