Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
