Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
