so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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