in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
