Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
