There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
