You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
