I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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