Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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