im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
