I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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