Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
