I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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