Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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