i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
