But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
