He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
