His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize