everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
