I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
