Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
