I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
