I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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