I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
