i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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