he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
