my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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