Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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