HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
