12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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