i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
