Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
