my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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