I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
