you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
