I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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