How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
