you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
