my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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