this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize