He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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