I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
